ZairaGonzalez_AppRefl Essay

Zaira GonzalezMay 3, 2019Professor VolkmerApplication/Reflection EssayFaith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is a big part of believing in God and even life itself. To have faith in God isn’t a reward we are given by how much time we read the Bible or by how much we go to church. Faith is a gift from God. We are given faith by believing that Jesus is the Christ, the son of God.

I personally am a Christian struggling with keeping my faith strong. When I go through ups and downs in life I don’t know how to manage what is going in my life and the first thing that occurs it’s that I lose faith in myself but more importantly in God.I believe that faith is essential for things to move in our life. I have been through difficult times in my life and as I took this Old Testament class it allowed me to reflect upon my faith in God.

It has made me realize the fact that if it wasn’t for God’s love and mercy I wouldn’t of been able to get through the difficulties. One of my favorite verses about faith is in Exodus 15:2, The Lord is my strength and my song; he has given me victory. This is my God, and I will praise him, my father’s God, and I will exalt him. In this passage is a great reminder that God is our salvation in all the problems and trials we face. No matter the problems that come upon God is with us and God deserves the praise and worship. By giving him the praise he deserves we are having faith that he is going to help us and he will. Experiences have shaped my character but submitting myself to God’s presence has allowed me to strengthen my faith. It is very tough to maintain ourselves positive and keep faith strong, but it’s not impossible because with God all things are possible. The biggest proof that I have that faith moves mountains is when 4 years after I had graduated high school my life headed to a totally different direction that I had expected. I was battling with a sickness that made it impossible for me to function in school and at home. I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease called lupus. It was one of the darkest places I have been through in my life because I was unable to shower myself, put my clothes on or even tie my shoes. I was no longer independent my mother would have to help me do those things it made me feel impotent. At school I had a hard time writing notes, doing projects and doing homework due to my unbearable muscle and joint pain. I remember one occasion crying myself to sleep I felt abandoned by God. Everything that was happening to me didn’t make sense it was unfair I even was mad with God. This situation brought me to the verse in Psalm 22:1-2, My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish? My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, but I find no rest. At that moment I was claiming for mercy and healing. I couldn’t live with the idea that I was independent in doing the basic daily tasks, living with a disease that was going to affect me more and more as years went by. The possibility of maybe even dying at a young age crossed my mind I hated having to take medications that instead of making me feel better made me feel worse. During my senior year in high school I was sick but I hadn’t gotten a medical diagnosis by then. My plan was to enter a university and couldn’t go on with that plan due to my illness. I was so ill that there were moments I doubted God was on my side. I lost all my faith and hope and felt lonely. I hated seeing how my friends will get accepted into their dream universities and schools while I wasn’t because I was sick. After graduating high school I ended up going to a community college my dream was never to go to a community college if I didn’t get ill I would of probably got into a university but during the difficulty I always came across Proverbs 3: 5-6, Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. God constantly reminded me through this verse that everything was going to be okay. He was going to take care of me and meet my needs. I wasn’t in the place I wanted to be but it all had a purpose and now I can say that God fulfilled his promise in me. I battled with lupus for approximately three years I had gotten first diagnosed in late 2014 then one day unexpectedly in 2017 I was told by my doctor that I was in remission. During my process I always had faith that God was going to heal me and do a miracle in me. I believed in the verse from Isaiah 53:5, But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.Glory be to God for helping my health to get better. At that point I stopped seeing the doctor, stopped medications and no longer had any symptoms. I had faith and believed for a miracle and God healed me. Since then I am still in remission and everything is going well with my health.God is faithful. He has shown me how good he is. At the moment back in high school God didn’t want to grant me the wishes of my heart I was also going through a sickness that made it hard for me to attend exam preparation events, prom and senior activities. But since God’s timing is always perfect I spent four years in community college working hard for my dreams and at times yes, I lost faith because things wouldn’t go my way. At the end everything worked perfectly well because I got into my dream school which was Biola. I felt thrilled and it all had made sense of why things didn’t go my way because God had a way and it was perfect just like him. A bible verse that I always go by is Jeremiah 29:11, For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. God’s plans are always going to be better than our own. We cannot go by our own wishes but lean our lives into his will. God has a purpose for suffering.In conclusion, I have learned to never be afraid to call on God or to trust in his love for me. If you place your trust in Christ, you will begin to live life more fully and strengthen your spiritual growth in the Lord. He has a special plan for each one of us. Only God knows what’s best for us. In Psalm 37:4 God says to us, Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. We need to learn to desire God first to the point that we no longer desire anything more but him. After we learn to desire God and not the things of this world he knows when and how to grant the wishes of our heart. I now know that when going through the darkness in life doubts are normal it’s very hard to believe things will turn into our favor, but we need to believe and trust God in the process.

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