Spoby Essay

One gloomy dark night, the truth breaches. They had been unaware until the breach, now feeling like they were drowning in doubt, drowning in fear, but not alone in these feelings; they were drowning together. Spencer’s trying to grasp the surface of the water, which is out of reach, even with all the fear it holds. Will Toby be able to give her the oxygen she needs to take hold? Can Toby even reach out for her or are all of his own demons dragging him down under the harsh current as well? Will they manage to splutter the words out that they need to break the surface of their troubles, or will they give up and end up sinking, letting the current drift them further apart and further under?

Spencer and Toby had known for some time that their relationship was on the rocks, neither of them wanted to admit it.

Spencer was taking drastic steps to push them back together, whereas Toby started distancing himself with distractions, and his new secret job.

They were drifting apart, losing site of the depths of their emotions for each other. Not knowing that each one of them was drowning inside with the words they want to say, but yet, can’t express. They’re gasping for air when they really just need to splutter their words out, reach the surface, and have an actual conversation to pull them back together. But none-the-less the quieter they are, holding the words in, the further the current takes them – tearing them apart.

Spencer wasn’t happy in the communication aspect of their relationship, and she wasn’t sure why Toby kept hiding information from her and leaving without explanation. It’s like he shut down on her again and she has no idea why. No matter how much she asks, she gets no real answers in return.

She stops searching for a stable slumber and suspends securing sleep. She can’t rest, think, or react because the tidal waves of thoughts and voices and feelings are crashing down on her, hitting harder and harder every time, pushing her further under with no air. Is it possible to drown in your own mind? Spencer most definitely is. The worst part is she’s drowning, and nobody is seeing her struggle, and Toby’s not there to notice and she feels trapped.

It’s a dark gloomy night. Spencer is bundled up on the couch, in front of the fireplace, pondering about all that she’s done wrong, where she has messed up and who has wronged her, and wondering about who would have the audacity to mess and plague people who are mourning, how could they get away with it and how can they live with themselves. She lost her best friend yet doesn’t even have the time to process! She’s actually being tormented by the death of her best friend, due to the mysterious person threatening her with all the secrets only Emily knew. Finally, the dam breaks, she’s crying the rush of tears she was holding back, finally letting it all out the emotions of it all. Spencer sits on the sofa, sipping soda and soaking in the sadness, sobbing.

All Toby wanted to do was protect Spencer. They live in such a messed-up place, he took the best thing he could think of. Protect with love, defend with hate. Toby adheres to this principle like a puppy chases its tail. He needs to join A on the dark side, and therefore Spencer can never know, or find out. He knows she’s always worried or on edge due to the mysterious A’s presence in her life and he wants to add some comfort and protection, but that is to join and pretend to be a part of what’s going on and to make sure there are no more attacks on her.

Toby’s task that he has to grasp is to ransack Spencer’s shack. He doesn’t like it. He has to do it. It must be him. He assumes with the time of night that she would be cozy in her bed, fast asleep, with the lights turned off, so he puts on the black hoodie, black boots, and leather gloves and heads over, and as he approaches the house, he doesn’t see any lights on, hear any noises, or see any movements, so he feels it`s safe to enter quietly. Toby reaches the couch, to his surprise, finds Spencer lying down and wide awake, turns around as quickly as possible, so she won’t see his face, but it’s a tad too late. Toby got caught red handed like a raccoon in a garbage can. Looking like a deer caught in headlights.

“Stop what you’re doing!”

Toby tries to approach her.

“Don’t come near me.”

“Get out!”

They stand in a devastatingly eerie silence as Toby makes no effort to leave.

Some days, they feel nothing at all; other days, they feel everything at once. Today was one of those days where emotions come crashing down in full intensity. They’re not sure what’s worse: drowning beneath the waves or dying from the thirst? There’s an ocean of silence between them, so loud and so distancing… and they’re both drowning in it. And they don’t know how to come back together.

Spencer confronts him. She tries to kick him out. So long wondering how this mysterious person in her life keeps finding new secrets just to realize that it could be her boyfriend was more than enough to get her to believe her world is truly cursed. Mostly she just wants him out of her sight, but he won’t go, not until she listens to his explanation which she definitely does not want to do. The long-heated conversation led to revelation of the truth. Toby is not the person everybody believes him to be. He’s not A, he’s not evil, he didn’t kill her best friend, and most importantly he’s not playing her.

That night they both made it to shore, just barely. It’s time to find the line to bind their lives together. They’ve finally made it home, the sky is clear, not a cloud in sight, no storm around, or appear to be coming back any time soon.

Through all the hardships and trouble, they made it to the surface, not separate, but as one, pulling all the pieces together and each of them filling the cracks left, and each of them making them whole again as unified couple. They brought each other out from the waves, back to the shore, and stronger than they ever were before the dreadful storm hit.

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